Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Words that I can finally say

Recently, life has been nothing but craziness for Ben and myself. There's just been LOTS going on and I haven't felt at liberty to write about it. However, the Lord has really been dealing with me and I finally feel like He's saying... go ahead, let it out. As most you know, we're expecting our first child, Olivia. I never thought that I would be as "motherly" as I'm already being. (She's not even here yet). ha! It's funny because I never thought that I would want to be a stay at home mom or would want to get a sewing machine and make tutu's, but all that has changed. Maybe it's just the pregnancy hormones (well that can be my excuse), but truthfully, I've went from work and buying stuff for myself to looking at fabrics and wanting to be at home and on and on. Life truely changes when you become pregnant. I can't even imagine how much it's going to change even after she gets here, but I know one thing, I CANNOT WAIT!! :-)

I've said all that to say this... as much as I have enjoyed being pregnant and can't wait until I get to hold her in my arms, my heart has been broken... I follow Kelly's Korner religiously and a couple of weeks ago she had a post about Katie and her daughter Reese. Reese passed away. My heart broke into a million pieces when I read this. Then, just last week my friend's sister, Shanna, who was expected to deliver in November went into labor. However, Camdyn was still-born. He had the disease Trisomy 18 which is not compatible with life. It's a disease where his 18th chromosome had 3 instead of 2. I can't seem to understand why these things happen, but I know that in the bigger picture God has a plan and a purpose. The day that Sarah (my friend) texted me about her sister Shanna all that would come to my mind was the scripture "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" *Proverbs 16:9. It's crazy because I can't even imagine what Shanna or Katie is going through, but I know that I've been inspired by both of them. Shanna has texted me telling me that now Olivia has an angel watching over her and then I read Katie's blog and she writes, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" *Genesis 50:20. I'm just amazed.

Another verse that has been running over and over in my mind is "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works" *Psalm 139:14. Even though, I cannot comprehend what God's plan or purpose is for myself or even for Shanna and Katie, but I know that we have to continue to praise Him for He is good and His mercy endures forever. I've been and will continue to keep these two families in my prayers because I know that God has something bigger in store for both of them.

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